Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Story | Reproductive Mental Health | Vancouver, BC
In collaboration with the Butterfly Run Vancouver, BC Women's Health Foundation and Reproductive Mental Health we are sharing real stories from real women to support pregnancy loss, infant loss and infertility awareness. Read Vivian’s story about miscarriage and her experience with recurrent pregnancy loss.
VIVIAN’S STORY
I have experienced two pregnancy losses. The first one was my first pregnancy in 2016. Going in, we knew the reality of miscarriages as we have friends who have gone through them. But hearing the news that our baby didn't have a heartbeat at the dating ultrasound was still hard. The nurses at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic at BC Women's were so lovely in walking us through a difficult appointment to confirm the miscarriage. Going through everything for the first time, I felt cared for and was in good hands with them and my midwives. The one thing that I regretted was not asking for a printout of the sonogram from the dating ultrasound. Even though our baby didn't make it, I would have loved to have a photo of our little bean. Since experiencing this first miscarriage, the time between the positive pregnancy test and the dating ultrasound feels like I'm holding my breath. Seeing and hearing the little heartbeat is when I can breathe a sigh of relief. One milestone passed. I have felt like this for my subsequent pregnancies. Earlier this year, I found out we were expecting our third child. I did a fun little surprise reveal to my husband that I had been wanting to do. I was feeling the pregnancy symptoms (some nausea, little appetite, fatigue), and although I didn't enjoy feeling these, I somewhat welcomed them as I figured they were assurances that I was pregnant. Due to COVID restrictions, my husband couldn't attend the dating ultrasound appointment with me but waited at a nearby Tim Horton's just in case I got bad news. The dating ultrasound at 8 weeks revealed the baby had a heart beat and was measuring at 7 weeks - not surprising to me as my cycles are one week longer than average. First milestone passed and we celebrated with a sundae from Dairy Queen. I had some spotting now and then - something that I hadn't experienced in my other pregnancies, but also something that is normal to go through especially in the first trimester. At around week 10, the spotting increased a bit in frequency. I had an appointment with my family doctor to get a referral to see an OBGYN and go over the pregnancy bloodwork. My doctor affirmed that spotting is normal, and my dating ultrasound looked fine, but requisitioned another ultrasound just to be sure. On my way to the appointment and as the ultrasound tech was scanning my stomach, I was praying and hoping to hear the words, "Everything looks good!" Instead, I heard, "I would like to do an internal ultrasound." As soon as I heard those words, I knew the news would not be good. As I emptied my bladder to get ready for the internal scan, I saw more spotting and my heart sank. The internal scan was hard physically and emotionally. I was quietly crying as she did her work. When the tech went to get the doctor to tell me news I already knew, I texted my husband that the news is going to be bad. The doctor informed me that the scanned showed my baby no longer had a heartbeat and was measuring at 8 weeks whereas I was supposed to be 10 weeks. My husband left work to meet up with me at a park and we cried over baby. The next few weeks were filled with support from our friends and church community praying and grieving with us. Loss doesn't get any easier the second time around, and having support around us really helped.
