Infant Loss Story | Reproductive Mental Health | Vancouver, BC
In collaboration with the Butterfly Run Vancouver, BC Women's Health Foundation and Reproductive Mental Health we are sharing real stories from real women to support pregnancy loss, infant loss and infertility awareness. Read Kim’s story about her hope for a rainbow baby, and her heartbreaking experience with infant loss.
KIM’S STORY
Our Pathway to Parenthood
This story starts in February 2021, my birthday is approaching and my husband and I feel ready to try for our rainbow baby, just 6 months after marrying. I got the best gift I could ask for, a positive pregnancy test. This pregnancy felt different, and November 13th felt inevitable. After a month though we started seeing spotting again, almost exactly like our first pregnancy loss. I remember speaking to our little being, saying “you are keeping us on our toes.” It took everything to not fear the worst, all while working with the medical system to have my pregnancy match my wants. I pushed back against the need for a 6 week ultrasound, fearing a repeat of our first loss after four ineffective ultrasounds over the pregnancy’s 7 weeks. At the end of March our doula put us in touch with an amazing midwifery, who instantly put my mind at ease. We agreed to an ultrasound; I was so nervous and hopeful. Within seconds the technician announced a heartbeat. Tears, relief, joy, and proof that this pregnancy wasn’t like our last. I was able to settle in and breathe. The next few months moved on smoothly, I had recently started a new teaching contract, my baby bump started to appear, and we started sharing the pregnancy with family and friends. We celebrated Mother’s day, then Father’s day as we approached 20 weeks. I remember clearly being so excited and living like this is really happening. I bought my husband a super dad mug, we celebrated with family, the pregnancy was perfect. Four days later the heat dome hit, the hottest temperatures I had ever lived in. My discharge seemed wetter, but the midwives and I assumed it was the heat. On Wednesday the 24th I noticed minor cramping, slightly more than a backache. Thursday it got stronger, and more frequent. We rushed to BC Women’s Hospital at eleven that night. With our midwife beside us we heard a heartbeat, it was strong; we were relieved knowing this had to be a good sign. After checking my cervix she informed us that I was dilated 4 cm and was in labour. Nature was taking its course and there was no stopping our child from coming. We are devastated, in shock, how could this be there’s a heartbeat… next thing we know we are spending the next 20 hours in the most difficult and heartbreaking experience of our lives. At 2:48pm our little one entered the world. I was able to have her on my chest as she slipped away. The labour was almost seamless and if it were 20 weeks later we would have been holding our first living child. Sadly it was just too soon for her to enter the world and as quickly as we welcomed her we simultaneously said goodbye. I cannot thank our midwives enough, as well as the nurses at BC Women's Hospital, the social workers, friends and family who were there exactly when we needed them. Every contribution has been the light in a dark and devastating experience. Though we hurt, we will continue on our journey to be parents.
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