Perinatal Mental Health Therapist | Jasmin Abizadeh, MA, RCC
We were thrilled when Jasmin, mother of two young children, and Perinatal Mental Health Therapist, reached out to us to contribute to our blog. Having discovered our Pregnancy Through a Pandemic project, and being an advocate for mental health herself, she wanted to provide pregnancy and postpartum support and resources to other women. The pandemic has brought an additional layer of isolation and unique challenges for expecting and new parents. During these times, Jasmin’s knowledge of pregnancy and postpartum mental health is invaluable.
As a huge supporter of reproductive mental health, other women and mothers, we are always happy to share any contributions to our community of families. Whether it’s a personal birth story, a story of pregnancy or infant loss, nutrition and wellness, or support resources for other women, we encourage you to share your story. If you would like to contribute, contact us with your submission. Thank you Jasmin for the wonderful feature below, read on to find out more!
PERINATAL MENTAL HEALTH
As a therapist I talk about emotions all the time. I challenge my clients to dig deeper and find emotion words to describe how they’re feeling. We talk about which emotions feel comfortable and which ones feel less comfortable. We talk about whether the emotions are familiar or foreign. We talk about any thoughts that come up when we feel a particular emotion and also how our body feels. Over time, we learn to sit with emotions so that we don’t have to run away from them. We can also learn to lessen the intensity of an uncomfortable emotion.
Having said all of this, I know how difficult it is to know what you’re feeling at times, how vulnerable it feels to put words on your experience, and how scary it is to share this with someone else. We’ve been taught that there is a “right or wrong way” to feel, that our emotions are unimportant, and that they are a burden to others. I am here to tell you that none of these statements are true. Instead of feeling shame or wanting to stuff away a particular emotion, can you be curious about how you feel instead?
Your feelings are like little nuggets of information.
If you feel excited, what are you looking forward to?
If you feel sad, what are you missing?
If you feel irritable, what are you frustrated or stressed about?
I find that when I ask myself these questions, I have a better chance of digging deeper into understanding why I feel the way I do and also what may be helpful in those moments.
Have you ever tried really hard to think about anything except a pink elephant? Try to not think about a pink elephant right now. The more you try, the more it wants to be there. It’s the same with emotions; the more we try to stuff them away, the more they will find a way to linger around, while they just grow bigger and bigger.
How this relates to pregnancy and having a baby
Pregnancy and the postpartum period are significant times of transitions in a person’s life and can also be a time of heightened emotions. Your world can feel like it’s being flipped upside down, with changes in many areas of your life, such as your routine, sleep, relationship, body image, support system, self-care, and finances. Some people are worrying more than usual and/or feeling more low than is normal for them.
Common feelings associated with depression and anxiety during this period include: Fear, uncertainty, overwhelm, anger, guilt, worry, sadness, irritability, and guilt.
Keeping in mind that our emotions are trying to tell us something, what could they be wanting us to notice as expectant and new parents? Often, the message is related to a need that we have. It can be a need that has been neglected, downplayed, or even ignored. Focusing on your own basic needs is one way to take care of yourself and to feel less stressed, resentful, and drained. Having the help of your support system in doing so is essential.
The role of self-care
The NEST-S self-care program, developed by the Reproductive Mental Health Program at B.C. Women’s & Children’s Hospital, is a helpful framework for this. Think of each area as building an overall foundation for your well-being. NEST-S stands for nutrition, exercise, sleep, time for self, and support. Self-care is a means of self-nourishment. What would nourish you?
N- Nutrition: Are you eating regular meals? Do you have snacks on hand? Are you hydrating enough? Are you able to focus on nutritious foods?
E- Exercise: Are you able to get some movement in? Would this be more realistic with your baby or without? Was exercise an important part of maintaining your well-being and mood in the past?
S- Sleep: Can you do shifts with your partner (or another support person) so that you can get a chunk of sleep per night? Are worries keeping you awake and if yes, have you mentioned this to your healthcare professional? Do you have time left to sleep after attending to and feeding your baby prior to the next wake-up?
T- Time for self: What would this time look like now? What are the barriers to taking time for yourself and is there a way to work through them? Do you believe that it’s okay to take time for yourself?
S- Support network: How can you increase your supports (e.g. partner, family, friends, support groups, professional support, outsource, etc.)? Which beliefs get in the way of asking for help? What types of support would be helpful for you?
Identify an area you want to focus on, communicate your goal, ask for support, and work through any barriers that may come up. When you set a goal in one of these self-care areas, ask yourself if the goal is 95% achievable. If not, then make the goal smaller, and break it down further until it seems doable. Most people set goals that are too high and then feel worse about themselves when they don’t achieve their goal. The problem isn’t usually with a lack of effort, but with the actual goal.
What is one thing you can do for yourself today?
Research shows that different emotions are associated with different forms of breathing. Therefore, if we change how we breathe we can also change how we feel. Taking regular, deep, slow breaths slows the heart rate and signals our parasympathetic nervous system to go into rest mode. The end result? We start to feel calm.
One type of breathing exercise is called hot chocolate breathing. This is a technique commonly used when working with children, but I find it an excellent exercise to start incorporating breath work into our day, regardless of age.
Hold your hands as if you were holding a cup of hot chocolate.
Breathe in slowly through your nose to smell your drink. Pause.
Breathe out slowly through your mouth to blow on the hot drink to cool it down.
Repeat five times or as long as you would like to feel calm in your mind and body.
Cheers to your next cup of hot chocolate or any other warm drink of your choice. Let me know in the comments below if you try this breathing technique!
Jasmin Abizadeh, MA, RCC
Next Steps…
If you’re interested in connecting with me for counselling services, please visit my website for more information: www.geborgentherapy.com. I offer a free 15 minute phone consultation to see if we would be a good fit in working together. As a perinatal and reproductive mental health therapist, I work with clients during infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy/ infant loss, and parenting.
Further Resources
Pacific Postpartum Support Society: https://postpartum.org/
Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net/