COLLEEN’S STORY
Let me start off by acknowledging how fortunate I know I am to be pregnant. I find myself surrounded by couples that are struggling to become pregnant, and I have struggled with infertility and miscarriages in the past myself. So yes, I know I am lucky, and the guilt I experience for not feeling fulfilled by this gift of motherhood is sometimes overwhelming. That said, I am still mourning the loss of my pregnancy.
I am mourning the loss of the pregnancy I always dreamed of having, which has since been replaced by the lonely, isolating experience that is pregnancy through Covid. I am mourning the loss of shared medical and ultrasound appointments, which I have been forced to attend alone because of health and safety protocols. I am mourning the loss of the in-person appointments and face-to-face conversations, that have all too often been replaced with appointments over the phone or computer screen. I am mourning being able to share this experience with family, colleagues, and friends, as I’ve followed provincial mandates and self-isolated at home to keep me and my baby safe. I am mourning the celebration of the pregnancy itself, as there have been no opportunities to gather with anyone to celebrate. I am mourning the loss of the baby shower I always dreamed of, and the financial and moral support that would have come along with it. I am mourning the loss of sharing the beautiful and amazing changes in my body with the people closest to me, and photos shared on social media just don’t feel the same. I am mourning the loss of mom groups and prenatal classes, and building those connections that surely would have lasted for years to come. I am mourning the loss of being able to hire a doula, as I am only allowed to have one support person in the room. I am mourning the loss of having a photographer present to capture those first precious moments of my son's life in this world, and what I went through to get him here.
I am mourning the fact that this should be the happiest time of my life, yet I am left feeling detached, isolated, and alone. I am mourning the fact that even though my son isn’t even born yet, I already find myself talking about the “next one” and feeling hopeful for the chance of a do-over because somehow this pregnancy feels like it doesn’t count. I am mourning the fact that I am mourning at all, when this should be the happiest time of my life.
Angela’s Story
At the start of this pandemic, both Ken and I had to switch to working from home. We both had a significant increase in workload, and throw in a job promotion with increased responsibility for good measure. All three of our kids were home with us all day, every day. It wasn't easy because the two younger ones fought over toys and our attention constantly. Our son, who was five years old at the time, had just started to thrive in Kindergarten, but really struggled without the structure of school, the stimulation of learning, and the social interaction with other children his age. We also moved my elderly mom into our home so she wouldn’t suffer through this alone. The theme of how we coped was 1) getting help from others and 2) maintaining connection with our friends. We hired a nanny to help take care of the kids so we could both concentrate on working during the day. We reached out to mental health professionals to help to gain skills on how to support our son’s challenges and we talked to therapists on how to focus on self-care and working together as a team. We missed our friends and family so we organized distanced outdoor gatherings when it was safer last summer. On Friday evenings after the kids went to bed, we scheduled a virtual happy hour with friends over Zoom video calls. One blessing was that because my mother was living with us, we were able to detect that she had a blood clot and got medical attention quickly. Unfortunately, the full diagnosis turned out to be terminal cancer. So the other true blessing is the time that we have been able to spend with her, take good care of her, and hear her laugh with the kids every day. We appreciate all the special moments that we have with her. The pandemic has made us realize we can handle anything crazy that the world has in store for us because our family is in it together and we will face any challenge as a team. We can't wait to re-discover the world and see our friends and family in person again. There is a much greater appreciation for things when they are taken away and we are going to come out of this stronger and better as a family.
