When I first discovered Cayley’s Instagram account I had never heard of the term ‘Matrescence’, and looking further into her account I found that everything she was saying really resonated with me as a mother. I soon found myself sharing her account with other moms I knew and we all had the same reaction every time, the feeling that we were not only being understood, but that what Cayley was saying was what we have been thinking quietly to ourselves for so long. Things like “When will things get back to normal, and when will my body bounce back to pre-baby”, the pressures surrounding motherhood are immense and unrealistic and I remember feeling so stuck. That is why shifting the conversations and expectations surrounding motherhood is so important. When I read the quote from Cayley’s account “Becoming a mother is a transformation not an event”, by Dr. Oscar Serrallach, something just clicked. Read more to find out what Cayley Benjamin Motherhood Coach is all about, and how she can support you at any stage of motherhood.

CAYLEY BENJAMIN MOTHERHOOD COACHING

MATRESCENE: YOU’RE NOT MEANT TO GO BACK TO WHO YOU USED TO BE

Matrescence, like adolescence. 

Dr. Aurelie Athan, the leading researcher and writer on matrescence, likens matrescence to adolescence. Just as a child undergoes a profound transformation - physical, emotional, social, political and existential - as they journey from childhood to adulthood in their teenage years, so does a mother. 

It’s a powerful analogy because it shows you that once you start the journey of motherhood, there is no going back. We don’t expect adults to go back to their child selves, so it’s ridiculous to expect that mothers would go back to their pre-mom selves. 

And yet there’s a narrative that exists that says that after you become a mother, there will come a time when you will “go back” to who you used to be and your life will “return to normal”. This narrative is harmful, unrealistic and shame-inducing, and it contributes to moms being stuck in a negative loop. 

I know this narrative well. I find myself comparing myself to a pre-mom previous version of myself: my body shape and weight, how much I used to be able to deliver at work, how much energy I had. Nothing good comes of this comparison, because I will never be the same as I used to be. Life doesn’t work that way. 

The journey through motherhood changes you. The essence of you remains but as you go through matrescence, you are growing, expanding and becoming the next version of yourself. You have gained a new lens on life; your perspective has broadened and few things look or feel the same as they did before. This is normal. 

Matrescence:

~Is a time of self definition, like adolescence. Remember your teenage years?! 

~Validates your experience and reminds you that you are not alone. All moms go through it. 

~Frames motherhood as a continual evolution, exploration and trial and error; becoming a mom doesn’t happen overnight. And you will continue to evolve so long as you are a mother (forever!)

~Can feel disorienting. It calls many moms to question their values and priorities. This is very normal.

I truly believe that the awareness of matrescence has the ability to transform the experience of becoming a mother; it is so validating to have a name for what we feel as mothers.

Interested in learning more about matrescence?

Check out Cayley’s website and instagram to learn about her virtual motherhood group programs and coaching services. 

A mom herself, Cayley is an experienced coach and facilitator that values kindness, candour and vulnerability, and she’s on a mission to support mothers to redefine motherhood for our current and future generations. After 14 years as a personal and leadership development coach and facilitator in the corporate world, Cayley now supports moms through their journey of matrescence (the developmental process of becoming a mother) and the social pressures of motherhood. At the heart of her work is your experience as a mother - how you are feeling, learning, growing and evolving. Based in Vancouver, she works with moms both one-one-one and in virtual group programs. Her work is informed through mentoring with Dr. Aurelie Athan, Ph.D, Faculty at Columbia University and the world’s leading researcher on matrescence, and the study of the Sociology of Motherhood Studies with Dr. Sophie Brock.